justie, i love you so much and i dont want to lose you to anyone. I want you to be completely mine because I love you. That's why it surprises me so much that you aren't that protective of me. It could be because you're a guy, I don't know. But every time we don't talk I miss you and have a hard time doing other things. I remember back then, I couldn't even watch a movie without thinking about you. I'm so selfish, Justie and I'm such a bad person. I don't want you doing anything else but be with me. I think about you simply going to work and I'm scared you'll forget me. You're out at Lukes right now with a bunch of other people and all these scenarios are going through my head. They're pretty bad and are similar to november. Ones even that you think someone is cute. I feel so jealous and sad. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself or if its because you broke my trust once and I can't get over it because when we had that talk about cheating, you didn't completely agree with me. I don't know what to do with you. I want to be with you because you are perfect to me, except for this problem where I can barely trust you. I dont know if I should let myself be in a constant torture every time you aren't with me. I feel like if this happens often, I'm going to kill myself. And again, I'm selfish and want you to know that it'll be because of you. I'm a bad person. You deserve someone better but I want you and I'm not going to let them have you. Fuck now I just feel angry at you. If you ever cheat on me (cheat under my definition) I'm going to fucking do something so bad you'll regret it. I wonder if I'll die from suicide with cheating being the trigger. Anyways fuck you justin for ruining my ability to trust you. And fuck me for being me. I hate myself so much and I can't believe I just said that to "you". I'm cruel, I don't deserve anything, I don't deserve this life, this environment..etc but I'm going to take it for now. And you have no idea what kind of a person your girlfriend is. I'm so sorry. I think I should just kill myself. Such a person cannot live in this world. Fuck. I never realised how much I hate myself.