bits and pieces of what's left of Justin in my iPhone. I've deleted quite a lot.

so I met justin on Friday night. I wasn't nervous at the time.. not even slightly because I drank earlier. he wasn't what I expected him to be.. he was really small and skinny and short. if I had met him in real life before everything, I probably wouldn't be attracted to him. but I get nervous when I think about him and have this strong feeling of wanting to kiss him. he obviously doesn't like me anymore. our messages have become less personal, flirty and topics of love/sex don't make it's way into our conversations anymore. I feel like everything he says is forced and distant. like he's only speaking to me because he feels sorry for me and doesn't want to come across as judgmental. I'm thinking he's meeting up with me this Saturday out of pity too. I don't know if I should just be happy and greatful to be able to hang out with him or back off and leave him alone. should you hang out with someone you quite like (in a crush way) even though you know they don't like you and you're just letting yourself be more vulnerable and susceptible to getting hurt? I don't know what to do. maybe I should just hang out with him - to feel happy for the moment and the sad depressed me in the future can deal with those feelings later? should I meet him so he can have a chance to change his mind about me, which can turn either way - positively or negatively. he obviously doesnt think I'm pretty. he used to give me random compliments and now it's all agreeing with my negative remarks about myself. even in the photos I thought I looked good. sigh. no one will ever like me. I'm just going through another chapter of unrequited love. there's more to come. I just hope I get something out of talking to justin. I want more than friendship, he probably knows that but I won't get it. I like feeling sad about him though. it's something different, something other than my usual drifting-through-life dull confused feelings. why's it have to be this way.