I don't miss daniel anymore. Yes, I do think of him from time to time. Often, even. But its not like my heart aches or I feel sad. I'm just neutral and curious as to what he's been up to. We've grown so far apart over the end of 2013 to now. What ever happened? Honestly. And he probably feels the same way about me. I'm fine with it. I don't care anymore. And I'm glad this doesn't affect me like it used to, or else I'd be even more sad. Ah well, thank you Daniel for being a part of my life (sounds so corny) back in 2013. Oh how times flies and people change.

happy

People said I seem happy at camp. Is that really how I appear? I don't try to display happiness, and can't anyways but in fact, I purposefully show that I'm sad.. Why is that no one notices? Maybe I do try hard to smile at things? Maybe because they had nothing to say about me so they just assumed I was happy. I wish people could tell that I'm sad.. Its such a lie that I'm happy. It makes me feel entirely lonely.. Like no one knows at all. Its the absolute opposite of sadness. No one understands me

I am so lonely

I just want to feel special and be the most important person to someone. I'm always the last choice, for everything. People who I thought cared about me do not. I'm always left alone. I feel like I have nothing again. I'm so sick of life. Why do I even have to be here? I wish we had a choice. Ugh once people find someone better, I no longer matter. I hope that one day I will find someone who loves me. I'm always the one who cares too much.. The one who cares more. No one knows how I feel. When I see actual actions of love anywhere (even on the street, like a couple genuinely happy and holding hands) I tear up. Oh how I long for something like that. To feel that way. My life is so empty. I literally have nothing to live for. I hope this changes soon. In a few years would be nice. Please. I'm tired of being like this. Having no motivation for anything, looking forward to nothing, coming home from school and talking to no one in particular, going to school the next day and talking to no one in particular. Wow my life is just absoutely great. I look forward to simply passing an hour.. Wow. Why is it like this.. I wish I could help everyone who feels like me. We could maybe be happy together. I hope there aren't much people out there like this. I'm sorry.

I feel so happy when I think of Tom and our phone calls. I don't remember much because they were all late at night (usually) and we could barely hear each other. It was like I was on a high. Anyways he's not one of those awkward guys which I like so much. He tries to think of stuff to talk to me about or random things to say and I love it. He's so sweet to, saying all these nice things about me that I wish was true. He makes me happy no matter what he says. Or does. ;) and when he laughs (probably AT something I said) It still makes me smile because he is so cute. He's going to rmit to do accounting. I think that's alright. Not particularly an attractive course but who am I to judge.