sometimes I miss daniel a lot. currently playing: warpaint - stars. I wish I could go back and really tell him how I feel.. but then I wouldn't have known that I thought he was special to me. the only thing I can do is tell him now.. but I'm not brave enough. and so, I shall wait until one day he messages me. I will not give in.


4/10/2013 1:10:14 pm: Daniel: I don't want him to like you haha

4/10/2013 1:10:17 pm: Danica: :o

4/10/2013 1:10:18 pm: Danica: Haahaha

4/10/2013 1:10:31 pm: Danica: </3

4/10/2013 1:10:38 pm: Daniel: Then he'll take you away :(

4/10/2013 1:10:46 pm: Daniel: And he'll have you haha

Life

School is boring. I sat with this other group today and felt so out of place. I do not fit in with them, with anybody ugh. I don't think I will ever have friends. That's kind o what worries me... Having to work with people and sitting alone at work every lunchtime. I don't mind it, it's just that I don't want to appear that way. Like a total loser. But I guess I am 

sigh

So...
I feel empty again. Like I have no goals or aims in life. Sure I guess vce is kind of an aim but its not something I'm enjoying working towards. Anyway, the point of this rant is to notify you, future danica, that today I had tutoring. I was making conversation and asked him how adelaide was and who he went with. He said he went with his girlfriend. Oh lucky me. I'm in love with the most perfect guy and he so happens to have a girlfriend. Ugh fucking hell. I felt so disappointed. I could barely respond and all I said was 'oh cool'. I then tried really hard to forget about it but the fact that he had a girlfriend just stayed in my mind. I tried not to cry. She's so lucky. I hope she knows it. I would do anything to be in her place. She gets to kiss him, touch him, listen to him talk about his life.. And he LOVES her. Ugh. He chose her. His heart aches for HER and not me. She's so lucky. She gets to do everything with him. She's the one he think about all the time.
Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh. Sigh. And he's 26 as well. I hope they fucking break up. I really do. I'm so angry and sad and confused. I don't know what to do. I probably shouldn't try to get close to him anymore.. Not that it was evident in any of my actions. Sigh. Life is hard when you're trying to get by without the feeling of love being felt for you. When love is unrequited. And the person doesn't even know how much you love them.

It sucks when you have exciting news but no one to tell it to.

tom (OOPS FORGOT TO POST AND NEVER FINISHED IT)

tom called me yesterday at 4:41am. I thought he was Alex (the guy me and Brooke spoke to) because I was originally messaging him until I fell asleep and he had a similar voice so at first I was like 'oh my god did I fall asleep, wait why are you calling blablabla' but I didnt want to hang up so I laid in bed talking to him for a few minutes.. still trying to fully wake up. It wasnt until I looked at the number on my screen that I realised it didn't say Alex so it was someone else calling me. I sat up and was so confused that all I could say was something like 'wait who is this. what the hell. fuck' and hung up. He texted me all this weird shit like 'I am the father of your kids'. I was wide awake by then and picked up when he called. I suspected it was Tom because I saw his viber profile photo which was of a black screen. Anyways his voice was similar to what I expected. It reflected the way he typed back then. He sounds kind of like Jonah. Its funny though because the phone call to me didn't feel awkward at all.. even though he said pretty weird stuff like 'I missed you', 'youre beautiful', 'youre gorgeous', 'i want to have your kids', 'you have beautiful eyes', 'you're so smart'. in the beginning, I was just like 'okay then... ha' and then it became funny to the point where I would say it back to him. I called him beautiful haha. at one point, he was like 'i love you, do you love me' and I said 'i love you!!!'. he kept speaking slowly taking

i feel like im in a dream everytime i think about the fact that he leant me his cd's

wow

You may die in the RADIANS, says Laura.

Or whatever it's called. ;)

He leant me two CDs today after we got talking about post-rock. He saw the sufjan stevens and mono albums on my USB and was like 'I'm impressed' hehehe. I shouldve said 'good, I'm glad' hahaha. But anyway he doesn't like the heavy-type post-rock I'm into :'( ah well, who says that lovers need to share the same music tastes ;) haha kidding. Well he leant me to CDs and I'm happy. When we don't see each other anymore, I'll open my itunes and remember today. Sigh. Everything worked out so well and I realised that in my life, there is a balance of both happiness and sadness. Today was one of the saddest days, I couldn't stop crying. But then I saw mac and I became happy again. OR maybe all my days are usually sad and that little things just make me happy because I appreciate it more.

he is sick

Mac is sick and I don't know but I feel a sudden surge of concern for him. Creepy as this may (more like 'will') sound, I want to be right there with him and help him get better. He's so cute. He's never cut down a lesson before just cause he's sick. I'll laugh if he's not really and is maybe like smoking with his friends or something aha. But I really believe that he is sick and I want to go over there and bring him soup or something. Ugh. I wish I was more than a stupid teenager to him.