i'm starting to get used to not talking to daniel, this is good. v good

“And I think the first sign you notice when you begin to gain feelings towards a person, is just how easily you get jealous when they give others the attention which you crave.”

ive done this countless times

daniel I miss (talking to) you so much, I can barely concentrate on anything. I think about you every second of every day, even when I'm doing my further practice tests and its so annoying but I cant help it. I want to message you but I dont want to annoy you. I hate this feeling. I understand everything now. I never realised that you liked me back then. I always thought you were talking about friendship rather than the whole romantic boyfriend/girlfriend thing. I was so stupid and ignorant. I reread all our conversations and realised that you tried to be sweet in many ways but I just never thought about it much. every time you mentioned physical attraction and that you liked me or whatever, i never understood. but now I do, and its too late because I told you that I didnt like you that way. :( im dumb

and here I am.. waiting and thinking about him every second. why is it that when someone doesn't talk to me, I want them so badly? I even pretend to talk to him, inside my mind. it's weird when I realise but I can't stop it. sometimes I wish people would just be honest with me, even though I know it would hurt but I can't keep waiting and hoping. It takes away all my energy and I'm left feeling like this... weak and tired all the time. He occupies my mind, I want to be with him.

this sadness isn't very good
i feel like one day I won't be able to take it anymore
what would happen
would I kill?
kill everyone, including myself?