I love Justin so much

I'm so happy to have someone like him. I feel so special and lucky. He makes me think things will be okay. I would actually die for him. 

I have Justin, but I still feel so alone in this world. I feel like he doesn't talk to me much anymore, less than 20 minutes a day and thats randomly. I wish he would put more effort in. I don't really know what to do. I have a boyfriend yet I feel the need to seek ANY friend. I don't really know what to do. I feel like this world is just not for me because I can't deal with things like these. It's just not suitable. I'm so lonely and the person that I love the most doesn't even try to talk to me. I don't really understand.

Experience of MDMA for the first time

Positive:

• Music sounds louder, can concentrate on the music and inhibitions lowered enough to be able to dance even in a public setting.
• Happiness
• Can talk to Justin about anything
• Loving Justin immensely (and my feelings have increased)
• Time appears slower as more things are crammed into the period (more conversations)
• Able to still make choices and withhold certain information, as well as carefully choosing words
• Can help Justin when he is upset
• Vision appears hawk-like after the 'trip'
• Confidence when walking around and interacting with people

Negative:

• Eyes shaking, cross-eyed
• Jelly limbs and cannot sit upright 
• Speech seems incredibly slowed when it is not really
• Sad at times (probably due to some conversation topics)
• Teeth chattering, clamping and grinding
• Comedown: A period of absolutely no feelings which lasted for around an hour (didn't know if I loved Justin or not, super confused), grinding teeth (approx. over 24 hours), desperate to talk to Justin and couldn't stop thinking about and missing him (could be because I'm now more dependent on him and the experience enhanced my love for him), tiredness and fatigue, no appetite (24+ hours), cathartic conversations in my head to 'Justin'  (still fucking going... I think I'm going crazy), craving for more MDMA, considering suicide from an MDMA overdose when I'm older.

I can clearly see that the negative repercussions amount to a number greater than the advantages, yet still the feeling is so good that I'll just have to deal with the comedown. It's only that that I'm worried about, especially having no feelings again. I was so confused, but I'll just stay strong and next time plan an MDMA day/s where I can receive comfort from Justin. 

Settings/events where I would like to do MDMA:

• With Justin (for close and intimate conversations)
• Post-rock gig (for the head-banging)
• Gig with upbeat/electronic/funky music (to dance)
• At a free house with Justin (so we can use the bed, of course)
• At a park (for the outdoor experience)
• With friends that are girls (may discuss different things to what Justin and me spoke about)

Overall, it was a really good experience and I would absolutely do it again! Thank god Justin has the drugs though, I don't know how he can control himself from taking some right now because if I had them at home, I would totally do them - even by myself. I'm glad I'm with Justin.

i love justin so so so so much. i'm so happy he is with me. he is the best thing ever. i feel so lucky

I love Justin and he is my boyfriend!!! Yay!