my posts are so depressing. i hope they'll be something positive enough to write about but i guess i never think about documenting positive things that happen to me. i guess drearydreary was an absolute accurate name for this blog.

my arm looks disgusting

i wont cheat on you, i promise. im so sorry i even thought about it.

i was deeply considering cheating on him. he doesnt care about making me happy. he's always first and once he's done, im not cared for. idk i am so against cheating, why am i thinking about it. i shouldnt right? but why do i want to so much. i think its just to get revenge and hurt him for hurting me. ive tried to tell him about my feelings but he didnt reply. idk. if i cheat will i have to tell him? will it break us up? will he ever trust me again? what kind of a person would i be if i cheated? why do i not love him enough to not cheat? i am thinking about myself too but i have been uncared for for too long. im really sad. idk why he wont have sex with me when i ask for it. boyfriends are meant to make their girlfriends happy. its unfair for me to  always give and not receive