weed makes you face reality. makes you hyperaware of everything you do and aware of all the lies that you've told yourself. you have to face those until you stop lying to yourself. you unconsciously have felt uncomfortable about these things so many times but now. always in the back of your mind. it brings them forward and for you to be able to have a good high, you have to deal with them. a good high is for your to feel at peace. i always strive to be at peace. but i'm so far from it. i'm a mess in my head, all my thoughts so loud. sometimes i have good moments when the music takes my focus. so to be at peace is to be focused on a single thing. i feel like i cannot live in the moment, i always have many problems in my life that i run from. weed reminds me that i need to deal with them. some are even problems i didnt realise were problems.

fuck even my thoughts are jumbled. i've no idea what i mean anymore. i tried to explain but i suck. will try next time.