im tired of having to try so hard for someone who doesnt try for themselves. or maybe i just dont know how much he tries for himself and me.. just like he doesnt know how much i try for us. i feel like i have to stay positive and be careful what i say all the fucking time so that nothing goes wrong. i feel like i have to support him even when hes negative and even when im sad. i keep having to push my true words away and form something so fake but supports him which in turns supports me - because my happiness seems to depend on his. i wonder if he knows how much i have to try. he cant even send me some fake enthusiasm because its 'not him' but i have to be this entirely different person online most of the time. he doesnt know at all. i want to be supported. i dont want to carry anymore.