I've been so unhappy lately. I'm so bored and lacking motivation for everything. I want to see justin but he doesn't want to see me more. Three days a week sucks. It just feels like I'm one of his hobbys, a lesser hobby too, with weekly scheduled days. I love him so much and I love this feeling of being able to give him my love but I'm also stuck in the aftermath of seeing him. I'm getting sadder and sadder the more I see him. It's like I'm getting more attached, yet he is not. At first I would get sad a day after I see him, then the night before, and now it's two hours before I part from him. I just love him so much but he's making me sad. Or am I doing this to myself? I really need to improve. I need to do things to take my mind off of him. I will try to read tonight. I will do some exercises. I can't go for a walk because I'm too self conscious  plus I need some sort of goal. I'll just read and exercise and stay positive. I'll do a 30 minute uphill walk on the treadmill. Yes. I'm just so negative all the time. I fucking have to stop. Writing all this makes me feel so much better. So when my mum comes home, I'll eat, watch half a movie, 30 min walk, exercise til my body aches, shower, face mask, read, finish movie and talk to justin whenever he messages me. :)