So I have so much more stuff to learn and here I am typing up a pointless little rant that will do me no good, except for the fact that I don't need to feel like a crazy person talking to imaginary people in my head about it. Anyways, I feel like Justin doesn't like me. He isn't sweet and affectionate towards me anymore and I don't know why. He sent me a text today.. I've been waiting for more than a day! It was impersonal and really distant. He wouldn't even send such a thing to a friend. It sounded condescending and motherfucking stupid. Out of all the things he could've messaged me, he decided to write "bet on a horse?". Who fucking asks that? It's something you ask when you have no idea what else to say or talk about. And why the fuck would I bet on a horse when I have two fucking exams the next day. Do I even look like someone who would bet on things? I'm fucking broke. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why would he even ask such a dumb as fuck question. He could've said he missed me, or how I was doing, or that he likes me, or that he's excited for me to finish. But no. He starts a conversation about betting on horses. I'm so mad lol. Fuck. So I read his text and didn't reply. It makes me feel less upset and depressed when I'm the one in the power and ignoring him. I literally felt so sad the past couple of days due to him giving off this negative vibe that he doesn't want to talk to me.. or that there's someone else. I teared up thinking about it every single time. And it didn't stop today either, until he sent me that text and I was like fuck yeah, I'm in charge now. So if I keep ignoring him until after both my methods exams, I won't feel too hopeless. Angry and mad, but not hopeless. I'm still pretty sad and down but I think I can make it. Being depressed just stops you from doing everything. Angry can still be ignored at times. I'm proud of myself for refraining replying back. I've tried to ignore his texts many times before but I could never properly do it. It's like I had to text back straight away. I like him too much and he does not deserve it at all. He doesn't love me. All those I love you's and I miss you's and I like you's were bullshit. I bet he's honestly just with me because I'm the one of the only people who's interested in him and he wants me for sex. Yes, I half mind but I don't know if I should pretend that I'm okay with everything because, hey, I like this guy and he is spending time with me to have sex. At least I have that? A part of me just wants for him to go away. But then I'll have nothing. I think the only problem is that he's dishonest towards me. If he could just admit that he doesn't like me that way and just wants to be friends with benefits or something like that. I don't know what I would say still. Am I that type of person? I guess because I was crushing on him, I made him choose between either being together and having sex or not being together and no sex. Like there is no in between and he was forced into it. I think that's the thing. But I genuinely thought he liked me back then. Maybe everything was new and he didn't realise that he'd have many chances with other girls and that "going out" with me would ruin them since he's a pretty good guy and doesn't want to be morally wrong in any way. He still rubbed legs with her though lol. I think thats fucked. We're fucked. I'm fucked. FUCKING EXAMS AND I CANT DO THIS KIHLABA OR HOWEVERY OU SPELL IT EXAM UGHHHHHHHHH. Justin if you ever read this, you're insensitive and I hate you, but I also like you so much and I fucking hate you for making me like you. Screw you, cunt.