As if he had read my blog, or seen the craigslist ad, or maybe even sensed my longing vibes to hear his voice and talk to him, he texted me. At 3am I received a text from Daniel. "Awake?" He asked, and to which I gave depressing replies, attempting to make him feel guilty and responsible for my feelings. He called me after and I was very happy. I was smiling and giggling. He struggled to say my name. The way he said 'soccer' was funny. He was always searching for things to say to minimize the usual silence that emerges in the period where a topic of discussion is discarded and a new one is searched for. He said 'hmm what was I going to say'. I was comfortable with the silence but he was obviously not. When we got disconnected, he reverted back to Kik. And this is where it all got pain-stakingly nasty. He immediately brought up the fact that he felt bad for my sadness and that he reckon he was part of the cause. It was true but I was angry that he was able to deduce such a thing from my tumblr likes and messages made me angry. How dare he think that I'm weak enough to let a guy ruin my vce. Its true, but I don't want him to know. Anyways he said that he was confused and shouldve went along with my feelings for him last year (which I keep denying.. I always do this). He also said that he doesn't understand me. I keep wanting to talk to him, hear his voice so bad but when it does happen, the feeling is just mehh and I don't even put in effort. Our connection has completely died, I'm sure of it. I didn't know what the hell to say on kik and it just felt awkward. We didn't say goodnight or end the convo. We left it there. I don't know what to make of it.
