So Daniel responded on tumblr after a posted a message for him. He didn't seem excited or happy to see it and there was literally no emotion in his message. He just recounted what he's been up to, wrote a bit about things I should do, shouldn't do etc. we're definitely not close anymore and I feel like I don't want to bother messaging him anymore if in the end, we've lost this whole connection. It saddens me tbh and I really was hoping he'd write one of those nice happy messages. Sigh.. Oh wholly two months does. 

My life is so boring. I can literally cry anytime. 

Everyone can be amazing. Everyone can be loved by someone, no matter how they look.

I'm talking to Nathan and he doesn't understand anything I'm saying about the night and the feelings you get. It's made me realize how much I miss daniel. He was the only one who got me and these feelings. I wish we still spoke. I miss out meaningful conversations about existence and life. 

So I asked Mac if he wanted to come to a pelican gig with me. I have a feeling he won't, as he's not into postmetal. I hope he really considers it and doesn't think that he shouldn't because he's my tutor. It doesn't even matter. It's not like real school where you can treat someone better than the other and interfere with sac scores and stuff. I really hope he decides to come. I find it easy to talk to him but when David's there.. I can't. I have no idea why. I think it's because of the socially awkward thing when there's more than two in a group. I need to get over that 

I can't get over this part of the conversation with Nathan. Yes, another omegle guy. But he's so normal and everything. Lives in williamstown, knows people from my school. We have 32 mutuals but unfortunately I hate all of them. He goes clubbing too and has cerebral palsy in his right arm and leg. That part always confuses me. Like he seems so cool and outgoing with all these friends and then just out of nowhere, he says he's disabled. Doesn't matter though. He's so nice and funny. 

So lonely. I want to help other lonely people. 

No one talks to me anymore. I think it's because of the way I look. And if they don't talk to me, I don't persist and resort to ignoring them. I am going to live a very lonely life. 

It's holidays! And I'm so happy. I feel a sense of joy and relief. I'm relaxed with little worry. I have two weeks to do homework.. That should be plenty. Plus I haven't got much anyways but should still do extra... Possibly ;) ahhh this feels so good. And when I finish some homework, I will feel like I've achieved something because no. I didn't need to do homework today but I took initiative and did it! One out of the way. I shall do methods today and finish it all so I can just practice my past chapters later on. Sighhh this is just wonderful. Oh btw I talked to a guy with the cutest voice yesterday. So hot. Like all the guys I've ever talked to; Daniel, Tom, Loc, Alex and one-time randoms, nicks voice is just amazing. It's not too deep, it's soothing somehow and makes me feel comfortable. Ahh I like guys too easily.