i just realised, this is what my boyfriend does when we talk about things; ditch them when they become too much. I complain about it but I guess I do it too aha. the people you hang around with do change you

just another reason to be sad about, yay 25 may

i have to be my own person.
stop relying on someone for happiness.
find my own happiness.
if we break up, i will be strong and move on. ive tried for too long now.
i'm happy about how much i've grown, experienced and matured.
i loved this but it might be time for us to move on from each other.

i dont think he loves me

i cant tell him i am hurt about something without him criticising my wording and laughing at me and ignoring the whole problem. i have to bury everything deep inside me and feel hurt and upset alone, just to please him.

there is something...
i'm not sure
is he withholding something?
he doesnt seem to want me
i honestly feel undesirable and unloved
when i think about it, my heart hurts.
maybe instead of wanting sex simply because it is an act of intimacy, i should choose to not have sex until i reach a particular goal in my life.
i want to stop myself from wanting sex completely.
i need to think of how.

i am replaceable, he said. i'm also not needed.
just something to think about.

i cut

going baad

i feel like no one cares about me.
no one talks to me, not even justin anymore.
not sure what to do.
i dont want to make him mad so ill just be silent.
he doesnt know anything about me or how im feeling.
im so alone..

im "painting [you] as the mean one" because you are the mean one

its like im trying to get what i want again..
but ill try justify myself
today he spoke to me once in the morning and once in the afternoon for about 12 minutes each time. each time he had to leave because he wanted to play with his computer/games.
he wouldnt type to me for about 3 hours and more whilst playing the games. even though each game is like 8 minutes he says. even when hes done with the games he didnt talk to me.
im quite lonely and sad today. im trying not to cry but damn i am lonely.
i keep wanting to tell him that im unhappy and dont like the way hes treating me but i know he'll not want me if i say stuff like that. so im just gonna keep staying quiet. even if im sad, at least i have him.

i am quite sad, but i would be sadder without him. so i will just do what he wants. i will try not to message him anymore unless he talks to me. i just dont want us to grow apart if i do that. but im sure he just feels like i am too much. i will try to stop talking to him but when he does talk to me, i will act happy and cheerful. yes, that is what i will do.

im trying, but i am so alone. he puts in less effort than ever. its harder to try now. im trying so hard. it hurts inside

man i am so lonely

he is so mean
i dont want things to be like this
it makes me want to kill myself
i am so lonely
i just want someone who cares for me
why does no one care for me

I hope to kill myself soon. I am so lonely and I feel so uncared for 

to just disappear would be the best thing that to happen to me. i just want to disappear and never come back to this life. i want to hike alone up mountains and then jump off.

lately, i've been feeling helpless.

its pretty terrible. i really want to disappear.