According to some people: I AM DESPERATE. Yeah ok thats true thank you for telling me now I know what to call myself and what to say when people ask why I yearn for love so much. Where is he?!!

Yayyyyyyyy! I think I've finally been erased from Googlel! You used to be able to search my first name plus my school and it would come up with pdf files of some stupid awards I won and even a photo in a newsletter!!! I hated it so much and now its gone (I think)! It was a photo of me half smiling but frowning at the same time... so out of place. UGH> im glad its gone woo hoo

I REALLY want some tattoos ugh like they look so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK my mum would get so mad though hahah! she's always told me since I was little to not get any tattoos. i want an eye tattoo on my ankle (ouch.. hope i can stand the pain) and maybe a pine tree on my arm. i hope i grow some balls before im 18.. tattoo stores are scary

so my mum doesnt trust me... she was like "what homeowkr do you have, SHOW ME" so I said "lol just chapter 1 2 3a and 3b" and she was LIKE "I NEED PROOF. where is it written. where did the teacher write it. im going to call brooke... wait no CLAIRE and ask them" fucking fuck fuck fuck cant wait til im 18. dont need no motherrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I find that when I'm happy, I'm more energetic and confident. Like, I remember the day (or should I say a few hours) after I talked to Dav#e/Oliv#er, I was soooo confident. I had long conversations with people, asked them how they were and spoke really loudly. Funny thing was that I only had 4 hours sleep too, yet I felt so alive! My chest also ached that day too because of my many mini heart attacks that night. I also feel really motivated to do homework when I think of O.. I dont like him or anything, I 'm so confused. I dont know whats happening and why the thought of him is motivating me. I randomly laugh when I remember something in our conversations too, while I'm serving people!!! Its weird. Its not like I dont talk to guys and have good moments lmfao with them. I bet his not even how I'm imagining him BUT WHATEVER thank u anyhow. I just wish there is something (that LASTS) that can motivate me.. a.k.a future lover WHERE the FUCK ARE YOU

labelling myself

i think i am a hetero-romantic asexual lmfao

 I miss Cal!!!!!!! It would have been cool if we were friends. CAL I HOPE YOU DONT FIND THAT BRIDGE YET!! I ACTUALLY CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT YOU. YOU WERE COOL. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DIE. YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS ANYMORE??? MEEEEEEEEEEE IM HERE ugh why did i disconnect

i just talked to a guy who wanted to commit suicide by a salt overdose on omegle. its weird because i can never imagine guys feeling extremely sad and wanting to die but oh well wow. he was cool.

friends suck
they arent even friends
mum sucks
what the fuck i cant even explain
i hate myself
i only think random guys talking to me and shit on the street are making fun of me
what is wrong with me
i wish i was someone else
that would be so much cooler
i think i know my cause of death: suicide
time: future probably when im like 30 or maybe 28. come to think of it even maybe 25
i want to do it but im too fucking wimp
ill probs jump off a bridge or something or maybe take some pills
but i dont wanna get my stomach pumped or anything
ugh pain

i feel so sad all the time
sometimes im happy but not FULLY ever
and sometimes im just like im obsessed with the idea of being sad and blablabla
but its not my fault
its the people thats around me thats making me so angry ughhhhhhhhh
not my fault
maybe i should make one of those "thirteen reasons why" thingys like the book, before i die so everyone would know who were the people that made me feel this way
ah so corny

person who gets left out the most here... *points at self*
 fuck friends
who needs friends
they're only temporary so people can tell how "popular" you are at school
im going to be such a loner in uni if I keep being so antisocial
fuck
i hate
my
life
omggsgjhkfjkshfisjhsdljhsdhjslfgslughj whyh

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel so lonely

I'm going to get a VFD insignia (eye) tattoo on my ankle when I'm 18 and allowed to do whatever the fuck I want. Hope it doesnt hurt omfg.

V. F. D.

I FORGOT MY URL!! I DONT KNOW HOW TO GET ON MY BLOG LMFAO! HOW DO I VIEW THIS SHIT?!?!?!?! WHAT DO I CLICK ON. IM SO STUPID.

Today was a good day! I'm glad I have Claire. This is like the first day I went out and came home tired yet happy. Most of the times I go out I would feel soooo bored and awkward and then go home like "never fucking again". BUT today was good yipeee even though it was hot! I hate going out when its hot, today was different. I'm actually happy. And I did homework too (2 chapters motherfucker, 139563569 more to go)

Loosing weight with pain

People say that starving yourself doesnt work but I swear to god I think it does. I never eat breakfast and haven't been for years and years (since like grade 6). Every time my mum forces me to, I feel like I'm going to throw up.  . OK SO I I have been literally starving myself for the past few days (not anorexic bc my thighs are kind of fat.. I WANT THAT GAP). I did eat but not until it was like 9pm. I'm now 48kg. So weird.. I usually am like 50.. sometimes 55!!! It fluctuates a lot but I have never been under 50! I remember when I was in grade 5, I was 44kg! I was like "is my scale broken????" I dont think it is. But anyways weight doesnt matter if you have fat bits around your body. It could just mean that my bones are deteriorating lmfao....... thats why for lunch today Im having: yogurt, milk, brie.
ok the end

i kind of like christian. its weird tho because he isnt that attractive to me but i love his personality. i guess its good for him that i dont know much guys because i go to a girl school (and am antisocial lol). i dont know if i would date him or not! maybe i just like him as a friend and bc he's a guy, i just assumed that it was a crush. ugh confusing

i think i love a guy but i dont know what he looks like

why do I have to have a thing for older guys? they'll never like me.

ive never been so mindfucked my entire life. no one understands me and I still dont understand the situation omfg. so much confusion inside my head. this guy is good. FUCK help help

so yesterday, I was on Omegle (yes... i know, why was I even on omegle?!?!? bored ok. bored person is bored) and I kept getting this drama queen guy I used to talk to. He didnt actually say his name but I could tell that it was him from the way he typed and some stuff he said were repetitive and were mention in our real previous convo (where he knew who I was and I knew who he was exactly). Anyways I wanted to catch him out on some lies because I knew he didnt go to the school he said he did and his 3/4 subject score of "43 on software dev" were no where to be seen. He also lied about his name in one of my pranking convos. He pretended he was a girl, then when I said I was F he was like "lol my real name is ... was kidding". I even pretended to be a guy once. It was hard because I really didnt want to talk to him but if I d/ced bc of his asl, then he would know it was me. So at like 1am, I went on my phone as usual and thought FUCK THIS YOLO NO ONES GONNA STAND IN MY WAY OF HAVING A GOOD CONVO. So I started a convo with a person who I thought was him but didnt care and typed normally the way I do. We didnt even mention asl and that made me suss bc he knew my asl. I ignored the fact that it was him and we had a greattttttt convo!!!! But then he mention "no fun" in a sentence and it brought back the memory of O, this other guy I knew. I knew it wasnt O bc of the way O typed but I wanted to scare him a bit by saying "do I know you" and making it seem like I knew that something fishy was going on. okok anyways this guy started making these weird allusions to my and O's convo. I mean, I didnt even care what it meant in his sentence but as soon as I saw those words I died. and died more bc i didnt know if the guy was playing a prank on me with some coincidences or if it was actually O. i was so mind fucked. never been that confused my entire life. i paid attention to every single detail. every time I realised something that reminded me of O, my heart would race and I couldnt breathe. LITERALLY. Im still having trouble now and I have chest pain :( god I think I'm dying for real bc of all this shock. Im still not completely sure if its O, probably is but doesnt feel like it.. he has done this cool-random-turns-out-to-be-him so many times. anyway i  slept at 7am yesterday/today and woke up at 11. Four hours sleep! (chest hurts every time i sneeeze) god this might be my last post EVA eva eva. nah but lol my mind was fucked

I think I have crushes on guys too easily. At least I THINK they're crushes. Any guy that gives me attention, I kind of like. Even when they're ugly!!!!! Maybe personality does beat looks but idk ewwwwwww what's wrong with me                    

I hate how my mum brings that fucking stupid piece of shit idiot home. i mean, its my house too and she knows i hate the fuck so why bring it here.... i cant even say him omg fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i hate my mum so much. she says its not my house but i mean, yes shes right but at LEAST respect me and care a bit. i actually wish he dies i dont care. i would murder him for real if i could. where can i find someone who would kill someone for money?

I have 99 problems and 73 of them can be solved with money. I could pay people to love me. I could buy myself some designer clothes, of course I won't go to shops bc awkward but online. Haha. I could buy myself a couple of friends who won't leave me because I could buy them designer clothes too. I could pay a guy I like to fall in love with me. Lol crazzzy mr nobody music making me crazzzzy

to whoever is reading

I forgot to say: I hate how every time I view my own blog, it counts as 1 view bc it makes me feel as if someone else has seen my posts but of course not, no one cares. If someone does read this though, please tell me. Write me something on www.yourworldoftext.com/lonelyroamer. It would make me feel less alone and gahh who doesn't like attention esp me who lacks thereof and everything nice

I'm going to attempt to start my hw..only 2 weeks before school starts. I'm so sad. I'm listening to some music through my earphones cos it makes me feel safer - no one is around me. Blocking everyong out. Not like my mum cares what I'm doing. Lol. Wait.... Its hard reading with music playing :( oh well. I can't stop thinking about adam and his blog though. I just want to give him a hug.

hellooooOooooooppoOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 so this thing took a while to make and now I've lost my  um "thought expressing mood". :( ahh anyway I was feeling sad and lonely ofc like always  i looked up guys I know/used to know and kinda like. I found the blog of one and i cant believee how sad he was. I always thought he was simply a bored guy who like to go on msn and play gmes.. normal but wow more deeper. his blog made me a bit upset. Sorry for spelling mistakes. Wonder where he is now and what he is doing. I want to share his url but can't cos I want this to be public. I hope someone comes looking for my prescence on the internet like I did with him. I don't make sense . Anyways my life sucks a lot and I have really bad anxiety idk if I'm making a big deal about it cos I'm not diagnosed or anything but I can tell. I hate going out in public. I can't even buy a god damn bottle of water. Without looking awkward. I always feel that people are looking at me wwhen I go places and not in a good way. lost my internet connection. brb while I go fix it so can spill ourt my sucky fucking sucky lifev to you .. whoever you are      ggggggggg   ggggjjjjjjjJwwwWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwWwwwwwwwwwwwwwWwwwwWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww